BULLIES: A TRUE STORY, PART 1

When Life Gives You Lemons
When I heard about the recent tragedy of Phoebe Prince, a victim of bullying who committed suicide after unrelenting harassment, waves of emotion rushed over me.  My thoughts ranged from emotions of unfairness to memories of my grandmother to feelings of unworthiness and helplessness.  As a child, I was also a victim of bullies, and the memories of this time are neatly tucked away, but never too far from the surface.   Certainly, the experience shaped my thinking and raison d'être.  With 40 years of perspective on my situation, it is clear to see how the process of turning lemons into lemonade shaped the meaning of my existence.

Innocence of Youth
Fifth grade with Mr. Johnson had been a wonderful school year for me, and I'd been riding on its crest. My mom had been the room mother, I had my first romance (he gave me a blue faux sapphire from the candy store), and I was allowed to illustrate all of my reports, which helped me to earn lots of extra credit and A's.
 
However, change can be both sudden and scary, as I found as I entered sixth grade with Mr. Beaudette.  He was anything but warm and fuzzy. Instead, he was military-like in his crew cut, skinny ties, and booming voice. He ran a tight ship but allowed us to stay in for recess to watch the World Series and movies like "The Birds".  In general, the air was electric and less comfortable compared to the previous year.

The Beginnings of Bullying
In those days, the teachers were allowed to leave the room for ten-minute smoking breaks in the teacher's lobby.  When Mr. Beaudette left our classroom, some of the students would speak up and joke, even though we were left with assignments to accomplish. Notes on folded pieces of paper were used to circulate messages around the classroom. This type of rowdy behavior had rarely been my experience in prior classrooms and grades. A very slight little girl at one of the desk groupings soon became the fascination of the gossip and chatter. Across from her sat an otherwise sweet and charming young lady who emerged as the creature leading the raucous behavior.
 
Slowly the disparaging comments against the thin girl grew, first through notes and then out loud.  As the torment and torture evolved on a daily basis, I cringed.  They called her Twiggy and flat face, faggot and fairy, lesbian and maggot. The minute the teacher left the room, the bully would start, challenging others to join. Weak-minded followers of the bully did so with smiles. The helpers were mostly kids from the bully's neighborhood, Farnham Estates.  As "Twiggy's" face would redden, the bully would jog her eyes around the classroom, inciting whomever she could to contribute slurs in a creative and competitive way.  It was especially relentless on the playground where the only near-safe space was standing with the teacher on duty, provoking yet another set of teacher’s-pet-themed disagreements.
 

Hard to Believe
It didn't make sense that a thing like this could happen in Mr. Beaudette's classroom. We were in 6th grade, after all, and were expected to be adults and “ship shape.” However, the bully soon started to put pressure on those outside her neighborhood to join the barrage through a campaign of notes and camaraderie, trying to befriend us and cajole us into the demeaning actions.   I cannot fathom what bullied youths of today endure.   In the age of Twitter, Facebook, instant-messaging, and texting, bullying is a 24/7 job and the victims have nowhere to hide.  How much worse would it have been, and how much worse did it become as I became the target?
 
Please read Bullies: A True Story, Part Two: "Karen Speaks Up" in my next newsletter and please email your cares and concerns regarding bullies to Karen via  info@karenrossi.com.